Boy Talk
by zala123attha
Summary: Roy Mustang and Ed complain about Riza and Winry's abuse.


**Hi there ^^ This is my first ever Full Metal Alchemist Fanfic ^^ I just finished watchign the anime after three days haha It's freakin amazing! I fell in love with the RoyxRiza pairing :) I'm quite new to the pairings so I don't really know their official name haha anyway, I hope I could at least get some readers haha ^^ And I hope you like this fluffxcrack oneshot :) Reviews are 3! This is not beta read cause I was too excited to post ^^ gomenn :D **

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****BOY TALK**

Roy Mustang & Edward Elric—Two of the most prominent and respected alchemists in their society.

They have faced numerous challenges, fought against the strongest foes, went through various stages of experiences ranging to that of hell.

So what could possibly be the weaknesses of these two men?

Short and simple—WOMEN. In particular, Riza Hawkeye & Winry Rockbell.

The two blonde bombshells that personified hell itself—from their point of view that is.

Sitting lazily inside his office, Roy Mustang was surprised to see an ever so familiar face, casually entering the room, his head hung low. "Hello there too Ed. I heard you knock but I seem to forget that knocks actually make a sound."

The blonde haired boy ignored his sarcastic comment and proceeded to lie on the couch, placing the ice pack he had in hand, against his head.

"….Care to explain?"

"No."

"Then I demand an explanation. I'm a superior after. So talk."

Glaring at the Flame Alchemist, Ed sighed and leaned back once again, grumbling as he did so. "Winry."

"Oh. I'm surprised she did minimal damage."

"Believe me, If Al wasn't there, I'd be a pulp by now."

"I should've called on Al miuntes ago then...dammit.." Mustang mumbled, just enough for Ed to hear.

"HAHA. Very funny. Let's see who'll be laughing later on if Riza-san sees how much you've slacked off again." Ed smirked, looking at the pile of papers on top of his desk. Mustang could only sigh, leaning himself on his table. "I can only imagine what she'll do…maybe I can even suggest some things…"

Mustang glared at Ed, unamused by his joke. "If you knew how much I'd be going through with riza, you wouldn't be laughing like that." He whined, starting with his assigned paperwork. "Believe me, I'd rather spend an hour with Maes than receiving five minutes of her punishment…"

Ed was slightly surprised. Choosing an hour of Maes spazzing about his daughter was a fate worse than death. "What exactly does she make you do?"

"When I don't finish my paperwork?"

Ed nodded, getting intrigued.

Turning all serious, Mustang looked at Ed, His eyes showing that of sincerity and fear, as If what he was about to say, was an unforgivable sin. "She…she…"

Ed was almost falling off his seat. What could her punishment be? Was it brutal? Was it something that would traumatize any grown man? Was it tiring? Was it so scary that—

"She hid all my playboy magazines."

The young alchemist fell of his seat.

Rising up immediately after his said fall, Ed made his way towards the man's table "THAT WASN'T EVEN FREAKIN HARD YOU IDIOT!"

"Aren't you a man??!?! Can you imagine me, a grown man, being deprived of such?!?!"

"Isn't a grown man supposed to be more inactive than you…" Ed mumbled.

"What's that?"

"Nothing! And to think I thought it was something serious…some punishment…Winry did worse."

"And what might those be?"

"When I accidentally broke my auto mail again…" Ed gulped, giving the general a fearful look, the memory of such an event scaring the wits out of him.

"She confiscated my automail arm for a week! "

"That IS harsh."

"It gets worse…after that week she still wasn't satisfied! To get my auto mail back, she demanded I walk around with a pink auto mail for TWO WHOLE DAYS!"

"Oh….I remember that…" Mustang chuckled upon remembering the whole two days Ed became the talk of the town with he and his unmanly automail. "That's nothing. An automail is just an automail. No Biggie"

"You say that cause you don't have one! Want me to give you one now?"

"No thank you" Mustang smirked. Amused by Ed's temper. "Riza almost gave me one before though."

Ed had a curious look in his face, waiting for his story to be narrated.

"…I placed an arm around her."

"…."

"And holy crap, never again would I dare do such a feat."

"Why'd you do so in the first place?"

"What woman can't resist my charms?"

"…Her, actually."

"Oh Shut up. As If you ever touched Winry."

"I did!"

"Where then?"

"…In her…" Ed blushed, something that Mustang had the honour of seeing for the first time. He never imagined the full metal alchemist to show such a soft side of him.

"In her….?"

He pointed to himself but the colonel could only decipher so little. "What?"

Seeing that he couldn't get it, he murmured, his cheeks flushing all the more. "sts…"

"Dress?"

"Brs!"

"Breath?"

"rsts!!"

"Tress? What?"

"BREASTS!!!!!"

Mustang's eyes widened as Ed blushed all the more, embarrassment written all over his face.

"How—?"

"…Long story….But I didn't do it on purpose!!"

From his shocked face, Mustang transformed, now having a sheepish grin, nudging the boy with his elbow. "Yeah…I bet you didn't."

Ed merely glared at him, slightly scaring the flame alchemist. "Now, now, calm down shorty—"

"Did you just call me a freakin' short elf that couldn't do something as simple as changing a light bulb??!"

"….Um…not really…"

Calming down, the younger boy went back to the couch and sat down, cooling his head off.

"So what did Winry do?"

"Do you remember my one week leave from duty?"

"…Oh…"

Ed sighed. Reminiscing about such things bothered him greatly.

"Riza did far worse!"

"You touched her…." He stopped, his innocent mind seeing the word as a little too much. "Before?"

"No…"

"Then what?"

Roy pointed at his own butt.

"Oh no you didn't…."

The older alchemist merely nodded, a look of remorse in his face.

"What…what happened?"

"Do you remember MY leave for a month?"

"….Oh…"

Both men remained silent.

"…Women are scary."

"Ditto."

"Have you heard about that time of the month when Girl's get all hissy and stuff?"

"…Yeah…I think I've read about it before…"

"Well…When Winry's 'Time' comes…Sh**, She's scarier than Sensei!"

"So that's why Riza acts like that whenever a certain time frame comes!!!!"

"How?"

"She…she shoots me everytime I get lazy! Gad! She's scarier than a whole army!"

"Ha! Winry can get scarier than a psycho wanting to turn anyone into human bombs!"

"Riza can get scarier than the devil himself!"

"Winry IS the devil!!"

While the two guys continued on with their discussion, two familiar figures stood, listening intently outside, watching them from the slightly opened door.

"How do you use this again Riza-chan?" Winry asked, amazed by the gun the older woman handed her.

"Just follow my lead." The blonde woman said, readying her small gun.

"When will they ever learn?" Winry sighed, finally understanding how to use the said contraption.

"Nope. And I'm glad they don't." Riza smirked, readying to once again, torture the unsuspecting General. Winry too, following behind, ready to teach a certain little boy some lessons.


End file.
